This is Me

What has Jesus been teaching me as woman?  Well that's a loaded question, where do I begin?


I had written a couple blogs previously about rediscovering who I am.  From them, you may be able to gather that Jesus has been teaching, or reminding, me of who I am.


For the past several years or so, I have been making the mistake of finding my self worth through the affirmation of others.  I needed other people to see me as this fun, witty, clever, intelligent person.  Even though I'm an introvert, I have always really enjoyed being around other people and spending time with my group of friends.  I made the mistake, however, of letting that turn into me needing to be loved, wanted, liked and missed by those people.  Although that might not be that bad, I felt myself needing to be constantly reaffirmed that they felt that way about me.  


I began to value myself on whether what I said made people laugh, what I wrote made people respond, and whether I was able to spend an evening with my friends and, at some point, be the center of attention (I've never fully loved this role - but I would enjoy it for a short amount of time).  I needed to know that I was something special, I needed to know that I was unique and that everyone who knew me liked me.


Through all of this, I was forgetting who I really was, I was forgetting the basic characteristics that make up "me."  In truth, I was (and still am) just average me.  There's nothing particularly unique about me - I don't have any quirks, I'm not especially talented at anything, and I'm not very witty most of the time.  And that's okay because that's part of who I am.  I was striving for those attributes because they are the ones that get noticed, the ones that draw attention.  But I was forgetting that my affirmation and self worth are not measured by how much others take notice of me, but by how much God loves me, just the way I am.


I was forgetting that I am a listener and that I love listening more than talking.  I was forgetting that I care very much about my friends and family and that I feel very deeply.  I was forgetting that I loved to worship and, as flawed as my guitar playing is, that I love to worship through songs in the quiet of my room.  I was forgetting that I love to write.  I had given these last two things up because I was far from perfect or even "good" at them, according to the world's standards.  I had forgotten, that Jesus loves these forms of worship and offering from me, and that He sees them as beautiful and perfect.


So Jesus has been reminding me of who I am, who I was born to be.  He has reminded me that my self worth comes from him, not the world.  Something so simple, something I have heard a hundred and one times, yet somehow failed to realize for myself.