"only You can make every new day seem so new" ~Five Iron Frenzy

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

"Life Moves Pretty Fast..."

"...if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller

In my family, I come from a long line of pack-rats - beginning with my mother.  Call it sentimentality if you will, or call it not being able to let go of the past, either way - it's extremely difficult for us to throw out anything that has even the remotest memory attached to it.

Lately I've been making the attempt to go through my boxes and boxes of belongings and throw away things that I either have no use for, or don't really need to hold on to.  Pictures and awards from high school, I'll keep.  But do I really need to hold on to my hall passes, used planners, and every note a friend ever wrote me? I don't think so.  It's been quite the painful process, detaching myself from these physical objects - useless, though they be...

Why? Why is it so hard for me to let go?  

...Nonetheless, to help myself along, I just ask, "in 20 years from now, will I regret throwing this out? Will I even remember that I had it in the first place?"  

If the answers are "no", then why is it still a little painful for me to let go?  

Now I've taken an even bigger step. I've dealt with letting go of things from a much more recent past: my college years.  I won't lie, one of the biggest obstacles in my life lately has been trying to move on from college.  They were the best years of my life.  So much joy, so much passion, so many dear ones.  
Getting married and graduating were the first steps to moving on.  I suppose if I had an actual job and didn't just sit around all day, this would be a much simpler task.  But when all you have to do is sit around and reminisce about the past and long for those days again, then difficulties arise.  Don't get me wrong, I  have nothing against reminiscing - I actually think we can learn a lot from our past, even years and years later.  But when it takes up a majority of your time - well, "too much of anything is a bad thing" - as my favorite saying goes.

...But I digress: letting go.  I am attempting to move forward with my life.  And before I do so, I need to let go of my past.  And I have begun the process with one of the hardest things I've had to do - letting go of much of my college ... stuff.  Anything that I don't need to hold on to - that I won't remember years from now: notebooks filled with notes from Cline, Harter, Veydt, Letherer, and Patton classes...mod-podged shoe boxes...even chapel schedules...

...and it was painful.  I did shed a tear or two, coming to the realization that I would never again take classes at Spring Arbor, be a part of a theater production there, or live on it's campus again.  I would never live in an apartment full of wonderful girls, stand in the wings backstage tearing up at the end of a play, or sit and listen Patton's deep theological ponderings.

I suppose letting go has been so difficult because life has crept up on me so fast, I wasn't ready to be done with college, I am not ready to be an adult in the "real world" - at least, I don't feel like I am.

And here's the hardest part:  I had to come to terms with the fact that it's okay.  It's alright that I'll never experience those things again, because my life ahead of me is going to be full of enough adventures and learning experiences: my first teaching job, getting my masters, my first house, my first child (the latter two YEARS down the road).

...Now my youth is packed into a mere two boxes - one for childhood and high school, one for college - and a new era has begun.  I'm naming it the era of Cheryl Hoskins.  I loved being young, I loved being a teenager (I actually cried when I turned 20), and I loved being an early-20's adult.  I am now in my mid-twenties and find that ready-or-not, frightened-or-not, the rest of my life is beginning.  

And I'd better hop on board before it leaves without me.

Much Love to All,

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Life Updated

Well it's been while since I've updated "the world" (aka the whole 2 people who read my blog) on what we've been up to in the new-Hoskins household (except we don't have a house...apartmenthold?).

Adam's been loving his job; I am uber-happy for him! He's making just about enough money for us to live off of for now (I really need to get a job...but more about that later).  It keeps him busy, it gives him a good workout, he really enjoys what he does, AND it gives him a tuition-reimbursement to get his masters.  He's looking into getting masters in criminal justice/public management with Colorado Tech University - it's all online, fairly inexpensive, and the cost covers all of the books and materials he needs for the classes.  Needless to say, I am very proud of him :O)

On the other hand, I've been stuck in quite the rut lately.  I'm unemployed, I sit at home, watch way too much TV, and basically only get up off the couch to clean the kitchen/dining/living rooms (which only takes a collective 1 hour every day).  Needless to say, I've gained quite a bit of weight, am in horrible shape, and have been fighting depression off with seasons of I Love Lucy in one hand and and a broom in the other.

Time for a change?  I'd say so.  I've applied to a few businesses around Dundee, but there are tons more I can apply to also.  I really need to apply for my teaching certificate - which requires that I first get certified in CPR/First Aid.  AND Ever since the shelving on Adam's half of our closet collapsed a few weeks ago, I've been afraid to open that door most days.   Behind it lingers a deep pit of debris overflowing with a horrid wreck of flotsam and jetsam.  Okay, maybe it's not that bad, but the mind wanders.

In short (wait, too late for that...), I am currently taking steps to get my life back in order and put me on the fast track to a happy, healthy, productive life.  

We had the good fortune to get a sizable sum of money back from the government this year, and we used most of it to pay off 95% of our credit accounts.  Good bye to all of those little payments that nickel-and-dimed our money away every month!  So, I took some of the extra money and registered for a CPR/First Aid class/test.  If all goes well, I will be certified by March 18th and therefore be able to immediately take steps towards getting my teaching certification=me being able to get my resume out there and start applying for teaching positions ... have you seen me ecstatic? Well here it is :D

On top of this, I'm setting weekly goals for myself that include things like:  getting the closet cleaned out, eating healthier (cutting sugar out of my diet gradually - it's my single biggest downfall), staying active, and applying for jobs.

And that's life so far.  I'll keep you updated on how the progress on my aforementioned goals is going.  Adam and I are beginning to be in a pretty tight financial situation with more and more students loans becoming due.  All prayers are appreciated!

Much Love to All,